To volunteer or not to volunteer? That is the question.

Huge apologies to people for vanishing slightly over the past week or so. We have just had one or two personal health issues that have cropped up and made life a little more interesting than usual. However I am not going to bore you with that, but instead ask for some opinions:

I began volunteering in 2008, completing a training course to become a tutor on the Chronic Disease Self Management course in February of that year. I delivered my first course in that April; that was the first time since I became ill in 2004 that I had felt as though I could still contribute in some way. Delivering the course actually felt really natural, as I did - and do - believe in the core ethics of the course, which are to help people develop techniques for managing their long-term condition. For those willing to put the effort in the techniques and ideas that crop up during each course can make a real difference and give you back some control, rather than feeling your condition controls you.

Initially I delivered courses back to back. Each session lasts two and half hours and each course last six weeks. It turned out that delivering courses back-to-back was a little too much for me, so I eased back a little. My health took a bit of a down-turn and I ended up back to being bed-bound. It had taken a lot of effort and time to get to the point where I had been able to spend two and half hours helping people and making a difference. I am sure you can imagine just how frustrating that was for me.

However I attended a number of award ceremonies for volunteers, gave talks to potential volunteers, trained as a tutor assessor and went to a number of additional courses. I loved every minute. Unfortunately, my health has continued to decline and I have not been able to deliver a course in the last twelve months. I received a letter last week asking me whether I wished to continue as a volunteer and stating if I did not get in contact my 1st May it would be assumed I no longer wished to do so.  I must admit that the letter upset me because of the tone, which to me seemed to be very formal and impersonal. I felt that given the length of time I had volunteered and that I thought I had a good relationship with the small paid team who organise everything, a quick phone call or a more personal and friendly letter could have dealt with the matter in a much better manner.

My real question is: should I continue as a volunteer in some way - we had discussed me continuing purely as an assessor - or should I call it a day? I have sent an email, explaining I had been waiting on the team as I thought they were sorting out either training or shadowing for me to continue as an assessor. I don't think that there is any way I can continue to deliver courses, no matter how much I love it. My health at the moment means that I cannot guarantee being well enough to go deliver a two-and-a-half hour course once a week for six weeks.

Frustration bites

Do you ever feel like just standing there screaming, raging, until your voice gives out? I suppose that in many ways it is different for able-bodied people, I must admit I can no longer remember what it feels like to just be able to get up and go outside for a bike ride, a walk, a drive; to just be able to get up and do whatever takes your fancy. I appreciate that there are time and money constraints on all of us, but to feel trapped, not able to even get up and go outside to sit in the garden...sometimes it is hard and I want to just scream to the world.

Yes, I have done a lot since I first became ill to the extent where I became bed-bound in 2004. I have gained four higher education qualifications in that time, including two degrees, via the Open University. I have volunteered as a tutor/facilitator for the 'Chronic Disease Self Management Programme' where I (hopefully) helped people to get more out of their life and gain greater control over long-term health conditions. I have met amazing people both in real-life and online - though I don't understand why online friends are considered any less 'real' than people you may see face to face. To me, all are as valuable and unique as each other, regardless how we communicate. I feel I have achieved a lot, yet sometimes I still want to scream.

There are moments that the reality of my situation can just slap me round the face and leave me stunned, wondering why everything had to change so much. These are the moments when I wish, wish, that I could borrow the Doctor's TARDIS and just alter the time-line somehow. But again, when it comes down to it, if that happened I also question whether I would actually alter anything. I like aspects of my life, I just...oh, I don't know. I love that I achieved my qualifications, even if I did only manage a 2:1 and there were moments when I struggled to submit anything because the fatigue and pain overwhelmed me. I just don't like not being able to drive out to the Common and run round like a five year old hyped up on artificial additives.

I am tempted - SO tempted - to freak my neighbours out and scream. I will if you dare me to...

Vote for who you believe in, not who someone tells you to vote for

I have given myself a couple of days to calm down after the Leader's Debate on ITV. Honestly, are those men like a bunch of spoiled little children, or what? For Labour and Conservative it seemed to be nothing but an opportunity to mud-sling and throw personal attacks at each other. I genuinely thought that the female leaders conducted themselves with far more dignity and reality than any of the men.

I may not agree with every single one of the Green Party's policies, but for me, they were the best party that I am eligible to vote for. Their core policies are far more in line with my personal beliefs than any of the others, therefore I will be voting for them.

All in all, I do have to say that if I was Scottish, I would vote for the SNP with Nicola Surgeon in charge. She comes across as a strong, intelligent woman who believes in herself, her policies and her party. In fact, if she was the leader of a party that was present in England, I would vote for that party based on how she conducted herself and presented her party's policies.

If anyone tells me that I am wasting a vote, they are asking for a thick ear! For goodness sake, people; if you keep on saying and doing the same thing, voting for the same parties over and over, how on earth can you expect anything to change? Instead of believing what the so-called 'big' parties tell you (that you are wasting a vote) think for yourselves and vote for the party with the policies that you, as an individual, agree with. There is no such thing as a wasted vote; if everyone who said that voted for the party they truly wanted to, then we would see far more diversity in terms of parties and policies in Westminster. We would start to see some positive change as the 'big' parties would have to alter proposed actions enough to gain support from the smaller parties.

One final thing: Iceland had a peaceful coup, where they placed the blame on those truly responsible for the financial problems - the bankers - issuing arrest warrants for the banking presidents involved;  why can't we? Their citizens refused to pay for the mistakes made by those institutions, though little of what happened made our news - possibly in case it gave us ideas.

Movie review: Bad Meat (2011)

Bad Meat (2011)

Okay, so this film has some bad reviews, but it was on the Horror Channel so I thought I would give it a try. The best known stars are probably Dave Franco (Now You See Me 2013) and Mark Pellegrino, best known for t.v. roles such as Lucifer in Supernatural and Dr. Jedekiah Price in The Tomorrow People.

The basic premise is that six teens get sent to a camp that can only be described as the summer camp from Hell. The staff have a variety of charming traits such as dominatrix sex (between staff), spying on the three girls as they get changed and a love for Hitler.

Almost upon arrival one rebellious teen, Tyler, whose crime seems to have been nothing more than inciting a protest against animal dissection at school is locked in a small wooden box outside. Given he is claustrophobic, this doesn't go down particularly well. The following day sees copious amounts of physical work and six exhausted teens who receive the reward of a teeny tiny dinner and Tyler returned to the box where he spend most of the rest of the movie.

The next morning none of the staff appear to wake the teens and Rose, a girl with a taste for fire finds that, contrary to the groups' first thought, the staff are still on the grounds. Now, however, they have developed a taste for flesh and six tasty teenage treats are roaming the grounds. Three of the teens manage to make it to temporary safety inside the building, thanks to the up-to-now silent Billy, who has spent his time cutting up one of the dead camp dogs in a bid to satisfy his curiosity why it died.

Much of the rest of the film consists of a cross between a zombie movie and a summer camp slasher movie. There are several moments of dark humour and sexual innuendo as the teens attempt to escape the flesh-hungry staff. It isn't the most predictable of movies and the ending is kind of, I don't know, sudden and a little annoying. Is it worth watching? I can't say that I would watch it again.

Horror, movies and Waxwork

Several years back I studied a Film & Television History module as part of my history degree which changed the way that I view and understand the medium. My husband, who is my full-time carer, attended the tutorials with me and admits that he also has a tendency to watch a little more closely than he did prior to the course. We watch the way that directors have set up shots, the camera angles, the influence of the censors and changes in technology. It is fascinating to watch the influence of different eras and societies on the screen, particularly when you compare a remake with the original and see how and why it has altered. That said, I am not particularly keen on reviews and blogs that waffle on endlessly about camera angles and so on. It has a tendency to sound pretentious and rather boring.
 

My favourite genre is horror, not those films that tend to torture or rip people into pieces, but those that have a psychological tilt or are a commentary on society, such as George Romero's '...of the Dead' movies. Since the Horror Channel  has arrived on freeview, I have watched movies that I have loved for years and some that I just did not know existed. One of those is Waxwork (1988, A.Hickox), shown yesterday (and probably repeated several times); my initial assumption was that it was going to be similar in nature to Michael Crichton's Westworld (1973) where people enter a new entertainment playground, only to have something tragic happen and a number of their friends pass away. I was pretty much spot on with that.

 

In this deliberately cheesy 80s horror-comedy a group of teens are invited to view a not-quite-ready-to-open waxworks exhibition in their home town, after dark.  The mysterious owner is insistent that there should be no more than six teenagers attend the after-hours event. Even though they are uncomfortable and slightly creeped out by the caretaker who invites them, the two girls and two male friends agree to go. Naturally enough - given the genre - two are lost in quick succession, yet the other two somehow manage to miss exactly how their friends are lost. Thus begins a search and a fight against both time and evil. I have to admit that although I started watching the film with the expectation of waxworks coming alive, there was a nice little twist to the concept as victims were catapulted through time and space. It turned out to be an entertaining and interesting little film, that I would watch again and still enjoy.