For the past week or so my brain has gone into hyper-drive, jumping from one subject to another and finding it impossible to settle. I am struggling to know how I feel at the moment, what I want to do to fill my time and a million other things. Nothing feels right, I feel sort of mentally itchy and uncomfortable in my own skin.
I have also got it into my head that I have offended someone; a specific someone who is a friend and I simply cannot get the thought to go away. I have no clue why I think that, I cannot think of anything that I may have done but the thought and feeling remain there anyway. I do not exactly know what to say or do; I mean how do you ask someone if you have done something to offend when in all likelihood asking them that is likely to cause more offence than if you had just behaved like a sane person to begin with.
Ah, well. Sanity is, perhaps, over-rated anyway!
I have started drawing again (and cannot remember if I already blogged about that) as I enjoy it and thought that it might be good for my hands, which have been incredibly painful lately. It has got to have been a good ten years or so since I last picked up an pencil, so I am actually quite pleased with the first result - not that I am going to put it on here! That would just be disturbing.... if only because of my chosen subject matter. I tend to draw disturbing images, the dead or horror figures, things that live in nightmares and horror movies. For some reason when people meet me they never think that I am going to be a horror or metal fan. I can never understand why; I presume I am supposed to look like some archaic 1980s view of 'rockers' or something rather than just a fat chick in a wheelchair.
I have also decided to start getting some of my short story ideas down in writing (thank goodness for Dragon; mine is named Sid). Again I do have a tendency to head straight towards horror and sci-fi, because that is what I know. It is what I read most of, although intellectual snobs do like to put down anything that they 'genre' fiction. All I can say is that they are missing out and therefore likely to be the first one's eaten come the zombie apocalypse. Oh, come on! Like there aren't a few politicians out there that you secretly hope zombies will chow down on.
Tuesday 26 February 2013
Saturday 16 February 2013
I figured calling this blog simply Rebecca's World means that I can post about pretty much anything and everything that I want to. As I am disabled and housebound, my world perhaps is not as large as some other's, but I still find life and my world pretty interesting.
I am not going to dwell on the reason I am disabled, other than to say that I have a condition called fibromyalgia, which affects every part of my body. I am in a lot of pain and sometimes that does get so out of control that my medication cannot help. At that moment in time the pain consumes my world, everything else phases out into a distant dream and I am transported to a place where there is nothing but pain and misery. It does not last, at least not for more than a few days at a time. Once it is over that world of pain is gone, difficult to remember the intensity of what I felt during that time.
For most of the time I am at a controlled level of pain and able to do some of the things I have always loved. I read - excessively! My genre's of choice do tend to be horror, thrillers and science fiction; mostly in the form of that amazing man, Terry Pratchett. At the moment zombie novels do seem to feature rather heavily in my reading list, as do post-apocalyptic tales. Hopefully this is not a sign of things to come, but merely one of my obsessive reading phases. They do happen from time to time; actually, if I'm honest I am a little obsessive about things full stop. Back when I was still able to do the washing up (see, disability has to have some advantages and not washing up is definitely on the list) I used to have to have everything in the sink a certain way. If things were not in the correct position I would take everything out of the bowl and then put things back in the 'right' way. I know, I know, that is an odd thing to do, but it is not like I thought the world would end if they were in wrong, I just could not put my hands in and wash up until things were right...
As you can tell my mind does tend to wander off on some rather strange segues. It is just the way it is and I seriously doubt I am likely to change; but then again the cognitive symptoms of my condition are getting worse, so I could be wrong about that.
I am not going to dwell on the reason I am disabled, other than to say that I have a condition called fibromyalgia, which affects every part of my body. I am in a lot of pain and sometimes that does get so out of control that my medication cannot help. At that moment in time the pain consumes my world, everything else phases out into a distant dream and I am transported to a place where there is nothing but pain and misery. It does not last, at least not for more than a few days at a time. Once it is over that world of pain is gone, difficult to remember the intensity of what I felt during that time.
For most of the time I am at a controlled level of pain and able to do some of the things I have always loved. I read - excessively! My genre's of choice do tend to be horror, thrillers and science fiction; mostly in the form of that amazing man, Terry Pratchett. At the moment zombie novels do seem to feature rather heavily in my reading list, as do post-apocalyptic tales. Hopefully this is not a sign of things to come, but merely one of my obsessive reading phases. They do happen from time to time; actually, if I'm honest I am a little obsessive about things full stop. Back when I was still able to do the washing up (see, disability has to have some advantages and not washing up is definitely on the list) I used to have to have everything in the sink a certain way. If things were not in the correct position I would take everything out of the bowl and then put things back in the 'right' way. I know, I know, that is an odd thing to do, but it is not like I thought the world would end if they were in wrong, I just could not put my hands in and wash up until things were right...
As you can tell my mind does tend to wander off on some rather strange segues. It is just the way it is and I seriously doubt I am likely to change; but then again the cognitive symptoms of my condition are getting worse, so I could be wrong about that.
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