If you do an internet search for comments that you should avoid making to people with chronic health conditions you will find yourself inundated with examples. Many of these relate to specific conditions and are often written either by health professionals or people living with the health condition under discussion.
The reality is that we are all different and what may seem silly to one person, may be devastating to another. What I would say instead is that before you inadvertently hurt someone, just take a moment to think about what you are saying and try putting yourself in the other person's position. If you think that what you are about to say would upset you, then the sensible and caring option is not to make that comment. Of course, many upsetting comments are made with the best of intentions, but that is not the point. Rather, the point is how comments are received.
While I cannot speak for everyone else, I am going to give you some examples of comments that have been made to me over the past eleven years since I first became ill. I will include a little of my internal monologue - which makes me sound incredibly grouchy - to give you some an idea how these effected me. I have heard all of these more than once, in fact more than two dozen times and I have to say that they get more annoying over time, not less.
1) "It would do you good to get out of that flat for a bit instead of always sitting indoors."
My internal response: Really? You think? Okay, well as soon as I come up with a magical cure that allows me to sit up, have a shower, get dressed, get down the stairs, walk along the path and go wherever, then I'll do just that!
I agree, that response is something best kept inside my head, just like the person talking to me would have been better to keep their comment inside their head... In all seriousness, I would love nothing more than to get outdoors and just walk through the countryside and experience the peace that it brings me. Unfortunately the levels of pain and fatigue that I experience do not allow me to do that. It is not down to lack of desire, or lack of willpower, but down to inability as a direct result of my medical conditions. Having it pointed out that I do not leave the flat very often does nothing for my morale. It has a negative, rather than positive, effect.
2) "You don't need all that medication, it doesn't do you any good."
My thoughts: Hmm, I wasn't aware you had degrees in medicine or pharmacology. When did you gain those and which University did you study at?
If you believe that I enjoy taking so many different medications then you really don't know me very well. The medications that I take are, most definitely, necessary. Without them I am in so much pain that I vomit regularly, am unable to stand at all (even with help and two elbow crutches) and unable to tolerate even the touch of my bed sheets. It is extremely hard to describe pain to people who have only ever experienced it fleetingly, but try this for an analogy: Imagine having enough layers of skin removed to expose every nerve end in your body and then imagine someone grabbing hold of your arm. That describes just one element of my pain.
3) "I know exactly how you feel."
My thoughts: Really? You're a mind reader now? When did that happen? You could earn a fortune with that trick!
This one appears on every countdown list of things not to say. Please understand that you do not know how I feel because you are not me. You have not lived my life, had my experiences and do not have the same pain and fatigue that I do. Just as I am not you and so cannot say that I know how you feel. We are individuals and while you may empathise with my pain, you certainly do not know how I feel. If you want to say anything, tell me that you empathise, that you cannot understand my pain because you do not have a pain condition or whatever your individual circumstances are. What I would tell you if the situation was reversed is that while I cannot understand how your pain affects you, I have a pain condition myself and know how much that impacts on my life; I can empathise with you and if you ever feel like talking about things I am here to listen. I probably won't hug you, for the record, because it often hurts like hell when people hug me, particularly if I am not expecting it and haven't had time to mentally brace myself.
4) (often as an extension of 3) "...I am tired as well."
My thoughts: I would give my left arm to feel tired.
Really. I would. Tired would be a luxury. Fatigue is a different kettle of fish altogether. I have a couple of different types of fatigue: first is muscular fatigue. You may have some idea of how this feels if you have ever done long-distance running, or weight training. It feels very similar to lactic acid where there is just nothing left in your muscles except for a persistent ache. Where a healthy person may experience this while running a marathon, I often experience it from lifting the duvet off me. That is why I have to choose between eating and having a shower, or sitting up and talking. Mental fatigue is another, while general fatigue is a third. All feel distinctly different to me.
5) "You're so brave" or "I don't know how you cope"
My thoughts: What else am I going to do? (this always baffles me).
I suppose other choices could be to constantly moan (but I would bore myself if I did that) or to commit suicide. Now I know this may be controversial to some people, but I do believe that we have a right to choose when we die and to die with dignity if we, as individuals, wish to do so. I have no desire to do so at present though. I am not brave, I am nothing special. Like some of my friends in similar positions to me, I think that the person caring for me is far braver. They have the choice to walk away, yet choose to stay. Unpaid carers save our economy over £120 BILLION EVERY YEAR by choosing to stay and care for their loved ones. They push themselves to carry on even when they are exhausted beyond belief, they work for nothing, they are not supported by the 'authorities' (often quite the opposite) and they perform a thankless task that goes unrecognised. No, I am definitely not the brave one; my husband, who works as my full-time carer and personally saves the tax-payer over £35, 000 each and every year as he spends over 70 hours every week actively caring for me, is the brave one. Lets be honest - how many of you could do that?
Over the years I have been on the receiving end of more ill-advised comments than I can remember, largely because my short-term memory is often effected by both my health-conditions and the side-effects of some of the medications. If I am honest, I also have to admit that I now switch off when I hear an offensive and ill-considered lecture from someone who thinks they know better than me and my health-care team. But the point of writing this genuinely isn't to point out individuals or make people feel guilty; it is simply to ask people to just take an extra second to think before trotting out remarks that may be hurtful to those on the receiving end. Putting yourself in the place of a person
Tuesday 24 February 2015
Thursday 12 February 2015
Competitions for free
I have been entering competitions for a few weeks now and know that although there are undoubtedly a few tricks useful in raising your profile and tipping the odds in your favour, for the most part it is numbers game. If you only enter one competition, then yes, you stand a one in five thousand chance of winning - or however many competition entries there have been.
Some guidelines for those new to comping as a hobby include sensible approaches such as only entering competitions that you would like to win the prize on. After all, there is no point someone like me who doesn't have children entering a competition to win nappies, so I will leave it to those who want or need the prize instead. Obviously the less people enter a competition, the better your odds of winning; so if you enter competitions with low entrant rates it stands to reason that you have a better chance of winning. These would include competitions that require you to do something, which could be writing a story or poem, taking photographs or a wide variety of other activities. There are examples out there where someone has won a large amount of cash and has been one of only around twenty to enter. You never know - as the saying goes, you have to be in it to win it.
Probably the first thing I would suggest to improve your odds of winning a prize would be to join a comping club. That could be a local meet, but nowadays it is much more likely to be online; social communities such as facebook or twitter usually have comping groups set up. There are also a number of online services that provide links to competitions, such as the prize finder which allows you to just click on a link and be re-routed to the competition site. If you are feeling a little more extravagant and are prepared to spend money, then sites such as Simply Prizes provide an excellent monthly service in the form of a monthly magazine as well as access to their web site. They have around 400 competitions a month, many of which are worth a fair amount of money. Given that the cost of the majority of these services is a lot less than a hundred pounds per annum, this can be earned back very quickly once you start entering - assuming that you are lucky enough to win of course!
Facebook has some quite tough regulations in place that ensure any competitions that are run on there are fair to all involved. Twitter on the other hand appears to have much looser regulations and I have read several blogs by people who have run competitions on there, that tell of the complications that they have faced on Twitter. I have to say that I have won on both, although only the one prize has been on Twitter.
It doesn't matter if the prize offered is a packet of crisps or a diamond necklace, the excitement when you open that email telling you that you have been picked as the winner is fantastic.
Some guidelines for those new to comping as a hobby include sensible approaches such as only entering competitions that you would like to win the prize on. After all, there is no point someone like me who doesn't have children entering a competition to win nappies, so I will leave it to those who want or need the prize instead. Obviously the less people enter a competition, the better your odds of winning; so if you enter competitions with low entrant rates it stands to reason that you have a better chance of winning. These would include competitions that require you to do something, which could be writing a story or poem, taking photographs or a wide variety of other activities. There are examples out there where someone has won a large amount of cash and has been one of only around twenty to enter. You never know - as the saying goes, you have to be in it to win it.
Probably the first thing I would suggest to improve your odds of winning a prize would be to join a comping club. That could be a local meet, but nowadays it is much more likely to be online; social communities such as facebook or twitter usually have comping groups set up. There are also a number of online services that provide links to competitions, such as the prize finder which allows you to just click on a link and be re-routed to the competition site. If you are feeling a little more extravagant and are prepared to spend money, then sites such as Simply Prizes provide an excellent monthly service in the form of a monthly magazine as well as access to their web site. They have around 400 competitions a month, many of which are worth a fair amount of money. Given that the cost of the majority of these services is a lot less than a hundred pounds per annum, this can be earned back very quickly once you start entering - assuming that you are lucky enough to win of course!
Facebook has some quite tough regulations in place that ensure any competitions that are run on there are fair to all involved. Twitter on the other hand appears to have much looser regulations and I have read several blogs by people who have run competitions on there, that tell of the complications that they have faced on Twitter. I have to say that I have won on both, although only the one prize has been on Twitter.
It doesn't matter if the prize offered is a packet of crisps or a diamond necklace, the excitement when you open that email telling you that you have been picked as the winner is fantastic.
Film review - Zombeavers (2014)
Last night we watched one of the multitude of movies borrowed from a friend of ours, and yes, this film is every bit as silly as it sounds: Zombeavers (2014). And I warn you ahead of time, this has spoilers.
At the time of writing just under four thousand people have submitted ratings to IMDB.com, giving the film an average of 4.7 out of 10. I know that sounds low, but this film is actually worth watching. Firstly because it knows that the whole concept is ridiculous and it treats it as such. There are moments when one or two of the actors are perhaps a little too dramatic, but overall the quality of acting is good.
The title of the movie does pretty much say it all: zombie beavers. I don't know why it hasn't been thought of before... It does have a couple of unexpected moments though, which I found highly entertaining. Like many films in the genre it begins by giving you the reason that we end up with zombie beavers as two careless delivery drivers hit a deer and lose a barrel of bright green gunk that conveniently lands on a beaver dam.
We are then introduced to the unfortunate future victims of the furry big-toothed zombies in the form of a bunch of college students. The three girls, the first to arrive, are all predictably enough dressed in shorts small enough that a belt may actually cover more. As soon as they arrive they are greeted by the next door neighbour, who they initially treat as the old prude (because, of course, everyone over 25 is a prude and rarely if ever has sex) only to receive a surprise in her answer to them. I loved this film for that part alone.
The first zombie beaver appears shortly after the girls boyfriends show up unexpectedly. While two couples have enthusiastic and very noisy sex, the third couple talk about their problems. The rather terrifying beavers show up in the bathroom, looking a little like some insane child has been let loose in a puppet workshop. Although initially seen by only one of the group - her descriptions convince the rest that she is either drunk or stoned - the beavers soon attack en masse. I defy anyone to watch this movie and not laugh themselves silly at the sight of a cabin surrounded by angry zombie beavers wanting to feast on a bunch of college students.
The funniest moment of the entire film had to be the sight of the rather strange human-beaver hybrid created as a result of being bitten or scratched by the killer beavers. Predictably enough the college kids do die, although the writers do subvert expectations when it comes to the manner and order of those deaths.
Yes, it is a silly film. But it is also a very enjoyable watch both for horror fans and comedy fans alike. Guys, you really do have to watch this one if you get the chance to.
At the time of writing just under four thousand people have submitted ratings to IMDB.com, giving the film an average of 4.7 out of 10. I know that sounds low, but this film is actually worth watching. Firstly because it knows that the whole concept is ridiculous and it treats it as such. There are moments when one or two of the actors are perhaps a little too dramatic, but overall the quality of acting is good.
The title of the movie does pretty much say it all: zombie beavers. I don't know why it hasn't been thought of before... It does have a couple of unexpected moments though, which I found highly entertaining. Like many films in the genre it begins by giving you the reason that we end up with zombie beavers as two careless delivery drivers hit a deer and lose a barrel of bright green gunk that conveniently lands on a beaver dam.
We are then introduced to the unfortunate future victims of the furry big-toothed zombies in the form of a bunch of college students. The three girls, the first to arrive, are all predictably enough dressed in shorts small enough that a belt may actually cover more. As soon as they arrive they are greeted by the next door neighbour, who they initially treat as the old prude (because, of course, everyone over 25 is a prude and rarely if ever has sex) only to receive a surprise in her answer to them. I loved this film for that part alone.
The first zombie beaver appears shortly after the girls boyfriends show up unexpectedly. While two couples have enthusiastic and very noisy sex, the third couple talk about their problems. The rather terrifying beavers show up in the bathroom, looking a little like some insane child has been let loose in a puppet workshop. Although initially seen by only one of the group - her descriptions convince the rest that she is either drunk or stoned - the beavers soon attack en masse. I defy anyone to watch this movie and not laugh themselves silly at the sight of a cabin surrounded by angry zombie beavers wanting to feast on a bunch of college students.
The funniest moment of the entire film had to be the sight of the rather strange human-beaver hybrid created as a result of being bitten or scratched by the killer beavers. Predictably enough the college kids do die, although the writers do subvert expectations when it comes to the manner and order of those deaths.
Yes, it is a silly film. But it is also a very enjoyable watch both for horror fans and comedy fans alike. Guys, you really do have to watch this one if you get the chance to.
Sunday 8 February 2015
Comping wins
I have entered competitions on and off for a few years now, with limited success. Roughly a year ago I won a 'Pampered Chef' dinner service and a large Thai spice and sauce set from another competition. Then nothing else.
Having previously only entered competitions through conventional methods such as postcards, telephone and texts, I decided to give facebook and twitter competitions a try. I entered the first comp via facebook during the second week in December, when all the advent calendar comps were in full swing. I was notified of my first win almost immediately: a case of porridge and seasonal coffee beans from a competition by Dorset Cereals.
Although I have only won one competition on twitter - a teacup set from Spode, along with placemats and coasters (pictured below) - I have won over a dozen other prizes. All of my prizes so far have been worth under a hundred pounds, but the excitement of a knock on the door and a mystery package means that it doesn't matter whether something is worth a fiver or a thousand pounds.
Dorset Cereals porridge came in four flavours - raspberry, gingerbread, original and honey & oats. The raspberry flavour has pumpkin seeds in as well as chunks of raspberry, giving it texture as well as taste. Because it is made of a combination of different grains it is creamier than other porridges I have tried, so for me this made a fantastic prize that I have really enjoyed.
Of course, my husband's favourite prize so far has been something completely different. He worked in a garage after leaving school and one of his jobs was to valet and detail the vehicles. The AutoGlym set that I won from a competition run by Eastlife mag on facebook means that our car is going to be the cleanest in the area.
All the small prizes that I have won have added up to in excess of five hundred pounds at retail prices, although that is the least important aspect for me. I intend to continue comping and see what else I can win. I am keeping a spreadsheet record of everything I win and who the promoters are so that I can thank them. Good luck to all my comper friends, many of whom have had some fantastic wins over the past couple of months.
Having previously only entered competitions through conventional methods such as postcards, telephone and texts, I decided to give facebook and twitter competitions a try. I entered the first comp via facebook during the second week in December, when all the advent calendar comps were in full swing. I was notified of my first win almost immediately: a case of porridge and seasonal coffee beans from a competition by Dorset Cereals.
Although I have only won one competition on twitter - a teacup set from Spode, along with placemats and coasters (pictured below) - I have won over a dozen other prizes. All of my prizes so far have been worth under a hundred pounds, but the excitement of a knock on the door and a mystery package means that it doesn't matter whether something is worth a fiver or a thousand pounds.
Dorset Cereals porridge came in four flavours - raspberry, gingerbread, original and honey & oats. The raspberry flavour has pumpkin seeds in as well as chunks of raspberry, giving it texture as well as taste. Because it is made of a combination of different grains it is creamier than other porridges I have tried, so for me this made a fantastic prize that I have really enjoyed.
Of course, my husband's favourite prize so far has been something completely different. He worked in a garage after leaving school and one of his jobs was to valet and detail the vehicles. The AutoGlym set that I won from a competition run by Eastlife mag on facebook means that our car is going to be the cleanest in the area.
All the small prizes that I have won have added up to in excess of five hundred pounds at retail prices, although that is the least important aspect for me. I intend to continue comping and see what else I can win. I am keeping a spreadsheet record of everything I win and who the promoters are so that I can thank them. Good luck to all my comper friends, many of whom have had some fantastic wins over the past couple of months.
Thursday 5 February 2015
Waterstones and the wheelchair...
Today, I was finally well enough to be taken to the Merry Hill centre to spend some of my Christmas money. The centre itself is actually pretty good for those of us who are a little less able; the Age UK shop is located just inside the entrance nearest to the cinema and has a range of wheelchairs and scooters to suit a range of abilities. I usually only visit the centre a couple of times a year, but when I do I tend to borrow one of the three electric wheelchairs that they have.
Unfortunately, although the centre itself is pretty good for wheelchair users with wide walkways, roomy lifts and good lighting, many of the shops are not of the same standard. I only went into a few stops today because I am trying to be sensible about how much I do on the rare 'better' health days. With that in mind I went into Debenhams where we spent the gift tokens I won in a competition courtesy of Thomson Cruises. We now have a new ceramic frying pan and several small kitchen items - so huge thanks to Thomson's for that!
Debenhams is actually pretty good to get around in a wheelchair; like most department stores there are nice wide aisles separating the different areas and although the sections are a little more difficult to navigate, there is still sufficient room to manoeuver without trashing the store. Once the kitchenware spree in Debenhams was finished we had a short rest somewhere - amazing how worn out I can get just looking at things. We then headed down to Waterstones so that I could indulge my book addiction. It was here in the home of my favourite items (books) that I found the biggest problem; whoever had decided on the store layout had had absolutely no thought about wheelchair users or any mobility-impaired shopper. The bookshelves lining the walls are well laid-out, but the problem comes with all the additional tables scattered throughout the store. If you happen to be a wheelchair user I would advise that you take someone with you if you want to get round Waterstones at the Merry Hill centre without knocking books off tables. Unfortunately I not only got stuck in corners several times, I also managed to knock almost every book off one of the tables. Luckily my husband and a very nice man who just happened to be nearby picked up all the stray books and popped them back roughly where they had come from.
I quite honestly would have loved to have asked to speak to the manager/ess but we had already heard a loud argument coming from the back of the shop/staff area and I didn't feel up to discussing accessibility with some unknown person after the stress and embarrassment I had experienced in the shop. I have found an email address for a general customer services department, so will just drop them a line asking if they could perhaps consider widening the aisles so that wheelchair users can access their stores. I will let you know if I get a response. Anyone care to take a bet on it?
Unfortunately, although the centre itself is pretty good for wheelchair users with wide walkways, roomy lifts and good lighting, many of the shops are not of the same standard. I only went into a few stops today because I am trying to be sensible about how much I do on the rare 'better' health days. With that in mind I went into Debenhams where we spent the gift tokens I won in a competition courtesy of Thomson Cruises. We now have a new ceramic frying pan and several small kitchen items - so huge thanks to Thomson's for that!
Debenhams is actually pretty good to get around in a wheelchair; like most department stores there are nice wide aisles separating the different areas and although the sections are a little more difficult to navigate, there is still sufficient room to manoeuver without trashing the store. Once the kitchenware spree in Debenhams was finished we had a short rest somewhere - amazing how worn out I can get just looking at things. We then headed down to Waterstones so that I could indulge my book addiction. It was here in the home of my favourite items (books) that I found the biggest problem; whoever had decided on the store layout had had absolutely no thought about wheelchair users or any mobility-impaired shopper. The bookshelves lining the walls are well laid-out, but the problem comes with all the additional tables scattered throughout the store. If you happen to be a wheelchair user I would advise that you take someone with you if you want to get round Waterstones at the Merry Hill centre without knocking books off tables. Unfortunately I not only got stuck in corners several times, I also managed to knock almost every book off one of the tables. Luckily my husband and a very nice man who just happened to be nearby picked up all the stray books and popped them back roughly where they had come from.
I quite honestly would have loved to have asked to speak to the manager/ess but we had already heard a loud argument coming from the back of the shop/staff area and I didn't feel up to discussing accessibility with some unknown person after the stress and embarrassment I had experienced in the shop. I have found an email address for a general customer services department, so will just drop them a line asking if they could perhaps consider widening the aisles so that wheelchair users can access their stores. I will let you know if I get a response. Anyone care to take a bet on it?
Tuesday 3 February 2015
Prizes and plans
We have all seen competitions advertised either online or in newspapers and a variety of other formats, but I think that many of us assume that we will never win anything and so we don't bother filling in our details. I have entered competitions on and off over the years but aside from the odd prize here and there have never had much luck.
Just after the beginning of December I decided to join a few online compers communities; places where dedicated compers share details of competitions they have seen (and probably entered). I also decided that as I am very limited mobility-wise I would stick to entering online competitions, must via social media. Since then I have spent an hour or two a day entering competitions, not every day I have to admit.
As a result I have won a number of prizes - none of them alone are worth more than £100, but together they add up to a retail price well in excess of £500. I have won at least one prize a week since I began and, although they aren't worth a lot, it has been great fun. The prize that my husband is most pleased about me winning is an AutoGlym car valeting/detailing kit; the first job he ever had involved valeting and detailing cars and it is something that he enjoys doing. I think my favourite has been the £50 Debenhams gift card, which came with a bathrobe and bath towel, although I am sorely tempted to try the artisan G&T gift set. I have never tried gin however and I'm not sure my meds would appreciate the alcohol.
This morning we were lucky to hear someone hammering at the downstairs door, which leads up the stairs to the flats. That door is rarely locked during the daytime due to people coming and going who don't have a key - such as the delivery man. Unlike some, he did realise that the flats are actually up the stairs and chose to walk up and hammer at our door instead. It turned out to be a prize from the advent calendar competitions I had entered in December containing several make-up items such as blush, eye-shadow and nail varnish (it wasn't what I had been told to expect, but I'm certainly not complaining!)
That was the last of the prizes from December, leaving just two from last month that I am still awaiting the arrival of: a football and a bathroom goodies set. Hopefully they will be with me soon - mostly because Pete wants the football!
I have decided that I am going to carry on comping, as well as writing, drawing and having a go at painting which is something I haven't done since my Art GCSE many moons ago. Oh, I also want to learn how to sew using the machine. My hands are too shaky to sew by hand (which is going to make drawing & painting very interesting). The writing and comping are both things that I do via talk to type software on the computer; something that can also become quite entertaining given my speech issues.
Just after the beginning of December I decided to join a few online compers communities; places where dedicated compers share details of competitions they have seen (and probably entered). I also decided that as I am very limited mobility-wise I would stick to entering online competitions, must via social media. Since then I have spent an hour or two a day entering competitions, not every day I have to admit.
As a result I have won a number of prizes - none of them alone are worth more than £100, but together they add up to a retail price well in excess of £500. I have won at least one prize a week since I began and, although they aren't worth a lot, it has been great fun. The prize that my husband is most pleased about me winning is an AutoGlym car valeting/detailing kit; the first job he ever had involved valeting and detailing cars and it is something that he enjoys doing. I think my favourite has been the £50 Debenhams gift card, which came with a bathrobe and bath towel, although I am sorely tempted to try the artisan G&T gift set. I have never tried gin however and I'm not sure my meds would appreciate the alcohol.
This morning we were lucky to hear someone hammering at the downstairs door, which leads up the stairs to the flats. That door is rarely locked during the daytime due to people coming and going who don't have a key - such as the delivery man. Unlike some, he did realise that the flats are actually up the stairs and chose to walk up and hammer at our door instead. It turned out to be a prize from the advent calendar competitions I had entered in December containing several make-up items such as blush, eye-shadow and nail varnish (it wasn't what I had been told to expect, but I'm certainly not complaining!)
That was the last of the prizes from December, leaving just two from last month that I am still awaiting the arrival of: a football and a bathroom goodies set. Hopefully they will be with me soon - mostly because Pete wants the football!
I have decided that I am going to carry on comping, as well as writing, drawing and having a go at painting which is something I haven't done since my Art GCSE many moons ago. Oh, I also want to learn how to sew using the machine. My hands are too shaky to sew by hand (which is going to make drawing & painting very interesting). The writing and comping are both things that I do via talk to type software on the computer; something that can also become quite entertaining given my speech issues.
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