As I picked the pencil up and started sketching for the first time I have to admit that I was convinced my drawing would look like something a five year old had done. I was pleasantly surprised that it came out okay. I am never going to be the greatest artist in the world, I know that, but I do love to draw.
When I was in my teens my love of heavy metal and rock music did influence my choice of subject matter. Well, that plus the fact that I really hate to draw 'nice' scenes. Rolling landscapes or close ups of flowers may interest other people, they may even be pretty to look at, but they really are not something that I have any interest in drawing. So, I draw portraits of rock stars and more than a couple of Iron Maiden's mascot - Eddie. Oddly enough I have attempted another drawing of Eddie amongst my new sketches. I wanted to see if I could still draw like that, if the years of not really drawing anything much had taken their toll and I had lost whatever abilities I had to begin with. I have not had time to upload my most recent attempt, so I thought I would upload an old drawing. I think this was from when I seventeen years old.
I had always had trouble with colour when I was young. I did do a monotone painting for my art exams at school, but I have to say that it was probably because I was pushed into it. I actually took my art folder in to my teacher (who sadly passed away far too young) to see what he thought. I was pleasantly surprised that he liked them. He asked me why I did not draw in the same style for my art classes. I still cannot find an answer to that one. If I was suddenly sent back in time, perhaps I would happily shock the rest of the art department and do things my way.
Now that is exactly what I can do now. Not the shocking the art department part, the doing things my way. I always felt under pressure to do things someone else's way, I felt that I had to try and fit in. Yet I found school impossibly awkward. I felt like I didn't understand what I was supposed to do, how I was supposed to fit in. I would often say, or do, things that were not what everyone else felt that I should do. I struggled to understand people's signals, you know? Body language and emotions just did not always compute with me. If there was something going on where I had to be in a group of people I felt out of place. I had no clue how to behave in a way that would make people 'like' me, though I did try. I always felt like I was trying to play a game that no-one had told me the rules to and I was struggling to play catch up all the time.
Now it is a different story. Work gave me confidence that I had been lacking. Although it was a hellish place at times, it did give me that. I didn't always fit in there, but I had stopped caring. Now that I'm here, bed bound most of the time, house bound pretty much all the rest of the time, I can be who I am without fear or worry about anyone else. And I can draw exactly what I like. So as soon as I remember to photograph my new drawing I am going to upload it to show you all. In the mean time I hope you like my teenage attempt at Eddie.
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