Does anyone else get competitive with themselves?

A serious question; does anyone else get competitive with themselves? I mean stupidly so, to the point where you actually put yourself into a negative situation in some way. I do. I am honest enough to admit that. I do get competitive with other people, although I don't tell them, but it is when I get competitive with myself that I end up getting in trouble. What can I say? I am my father's daughter and I have his competitive nature.

Me and my dad

That was okay, to a degree, when I was healthy. I used to enjoy weight-training and bought myself a multi-gym when I was 16; it was great fun and I really enjoyed the competitiveness. The fact that I could see progress in the amount of weight I was using and the number of sets, as well as definition. Yes, I know, looking at me now it's hard to believe, but I did have pretty good biceps, triceps, quads and calves in particular. Leg work was always my favourite.

So when I had a Wii back in 2007, coinciding with an improvement in my health conditions, I did the same as I always had. I got competitive with myself. The game records all your stats so you know how much you are doing each day and whether you have improved. I started off quite sensibly doing five minutes of yoga a day. Now that may not sound a lot to a healthy person, but believe me when you have health conditions with pain and fatigue as two of the main symptoms, it is an awful lot.

The best I had been for over three years; I managed a boat ride and sitting on the beach.

My competitive problem reared its head a couple of weeks down the line, when I started to increase the amount I was doing. Now that is something that pacing suggests, that you gradually increase the amount you are doing. The key word in that sentence is 'gradually'. I got carried away. At one point I was up to an hour a day yoga and cardio. I didn't go beyond that, but even though that was spread out through the day in five or ten minute sessions, it was far, far too much for someone whose fibromyalgia and M.E. are as severe as mine. 

The result was that I crashed. I ended up being stuck in bed not for days, or weeks, but for months, with only brief periods of being able to get out of bed. This was particularly frustrating because I had started studying with the Open University again in February 2007. Even with that, despite taking the exam at home, I attempted to type it. I almost passed out while I was doing the final essay because I was in so much pain. The sweat was  pouring off me and my invigilator was all for calling a doctor out. I called time on the final essay, leaving it part done - another frustration - and that was the point when I crashed.

My graduation in November 2013

I can't even say that I learned my lesson, because I didn't. I started volunteering as a tutor with the Expert Patient Programme course in 2008. Rather than doing the requested two courses a year, I did back to back courses. Okay, yes, it is only two and a half hours a week. But for me, that was (and is) a lot. By the time I finished the session I was in so much pain and so fatigued that I would spend the following six days stuck in bed before I got up and repeated my mistakes. I volunteered for every training course, award event and promotion event that I could. You would I would learn at some point, but no, I didn't.
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The Mayor of Dudley, with myself & Ann Tee, there as representatives of the EPP volunteer tutors

The reason I am telling you all this is because by being honest I am hoping that I can learn from my past mistakes and begin to gradually improve. I am not expecting miracles, I am simply going to take baby-steps and be thankful for any small improvement that I may have. I have spent most of the last year in bed and my hope is to improve enough so that I will be able to to out of bed every day. That is my first goal and I am not going to get too competitive with myself. If anyone suspects that I am getting too competitive, please feel free to tell me off!

Okay, I admit to being lazy and needing a good push in the right direction

Actually made it to Weight Watchers for the second week in a row, which is fairly unusual for me as for quite a while now I have generally only been well enough to go once every four or five weeks. I am definitely not complaining as I actually lost two pound this week. I am not thinking about how many more pounds I need to lose, just concentrating on trying to eat sensibly using home made food prepared by my Chef (aka my husband, Pete). I do like that Jane, our Weight Watchers Leader has such a strong focus on freshly prepared food and has done since before Weight Watchers jumped on her band wagon. She has also had a focus on moving more and exercise for a long, long time and does encourage people no matter what their circumstances. This is not an advertisement for Weight Watchers, more like praise where it is due for a lady who had the right idea long before anyone official came out and agreed. 

I think that for me the only way I actually lose weight is to really have a lot of structure. That means planning meals for the week, including snacks if possible and making sure that I stick with that plan. Admittedly an A1 sized flip chart sheet sitting in the living room is hard to miss, but even with it being on full view, there is the option of ignoring it. However I know that if I ignoring it my arse is gradually going to get bigger and bigger until I actually become wedged in a doorway and someone has to call the fire brigade to rescue me. Not really the image I want to leave a load of firemen with!

I do have a tendency to be the same with everything. It really is not only the food planning and weight loss that ends up being last minute and guesswork. It is certainly something that I have found myself doing time and time again when it comes to essays and studying. Yet get me on a subject I am truly interested in and I will do well; for example the OU's now defunct course "AA310: Film and Television History" was the best course I have ever done with them. I actually enjoyed doing research and writing essays. I found the subject fascinating, particularly my last essay where I discussed feminism in Joss Whedon's series 'Firefly'. Sounds odd, I know, but there is already some interesting research and academic writing on the subject in general and Joss Whedon's many TV series in particular. I ended up gaining a distinction on that course and came very close to getting a First Class Honours degree because of the renewed interest that course inspired in studying. 

Unfortunately the interest in studying is rapidly on the decline right now. I get interested in my current course for about five minutes, then realise that I do actually find the tutor mildly irritating and the course rather bleurgh. I think that once this current degree is completed, my second with the Open University, that will be it with that particular institution. They are moving away from the freedom of choice that made the University an attractive alternative and becoming much more like a traditional University. Yet many of those 'traditional' institutions seem to be moving more in the direction of some truly inspiring distance learning courses. All good things come to an end, I guess.